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Are pathological liars dangerous11/14/2022 ![]() Know that it’s not personal: While it can certainly be hard not to take it personally, it’s important to remember that a person who lies pathologically may not necessarily be aware of it or intend to do it.It’s best to step back, work around the pathological liar, and keeping a safe distance. In some cases, you might get only half of the truth. You will never get to the truth, even with the use of intimidation. Either way, don’t argue or get into a confrontation with the liar because they will use circular arguing, demean you, and possibly create more lies to use in the future (possibly against you). Other pathological liars are simply sociopathic and overly confident. Most liars lack an identity and struggle with feelings of insecurity and abandonment. Don’t argue or fight with the pathological liar: It’s not worth your energy to argue with someone who lives in a fantasy or psychologically unstableworld.You should weigh everything you are being told against the facts. It’s always good, when speaking to someone who frequently lies, to remain neutral, detached, and focused. Any kind of approval or trust the pathological liar can sense makes them feel powerful and energized to continue the behavior. The moment you begin to appear as if youbelieve what the pathological liar is saying, they will run with it. Don’t believe anything until you confirm it:Someone with a track record of lying behaviors should never be believed at face value.You’re not trying to catch the person in a lie per se but to clarify information in a nonconfrontational manner. If you are able to take a step back and appear unassuming, you can actually become the person “on top” and coax the individual into explaining things so you can evaluate it. If I want a youth to open up or I’m looking to build rapport I make statements such as “…that’s not what I was told, can you help me understand because I’m a bit confused?” Individuals who tend to lie are usuallyseeking some sort of power over others. Play “stupid”: I use this technique quite a bit in sessions with adolescents and young children.For example, a confrontation might include you stating “…that’s not what I see happening because I spoke with the Principal and he showed me documentation that you skipped school at 2:00pm on Monday.” Confrontation is using facts to undercut the lie. Confrontation does not mean creating an argument but creating an acknowledgment that information isn’t adding up. Can you explain that to me again?”In counseling sessions, the use of confrontationcan be powerful if used appropriately and with tact. You could most certainly put it on yourself by saying “for some reason, I am confused. Call them out: Sometimes it’s perfectly fine to point out that something isn’t adding up.A blank stare might do the trick in shutting down the lie. If you sense that someone is lying to you, don’t make the person feel comfortable by agreeing, nodding, or laughing about it. But in many cases, we, as humans, are good barometers. There are situations in which you might feel someone is being untrue but later find out they were telling the truth. We all have an “internal compass” that signals trouble or peace, truth or fiction. Avoid engaging the pathological liar: If you sense that you are being lied to, perhaps you are.You should take every lie seriously and strive to remember: There are certainly ways to protect yourself from a destructive person who sendswhirlpools of confusion into your life. As a result of some pathological liars displaying charming, intelligent, and sociable behaviors, most of society is blinded to their obvious social, emotional, and cognitivedeficits. In other cases, you might also struggle to convince others that a respected or likedperson is in fact lying. Other times, you may know the person is lying, but due to the person being personable and friendly, you may struggle to even consider the fact that maybe you are being lied to. Sometimes you are a part of a lie and may not even know it. The tragic reality for those who work with, live with, or know a pathological liar is that they are almost always victims. ![]()
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